Opening scene: Bubs’ Concession Stand, night. The sign on the stand has a piece of paper taped over it that says "VILLIAIN’S CLUB". A patio table is set up in front of the stand with four collapsible lawn chairs. In these chairs sit four shadowy figures. Horrible bass violin music plays in the background.
We pull closer and see that the chairs are occupied by Strong Sad (wearing a black-and-white striped sweater and a stocking cap), the King of Town (dressed as "Perducci"), Bubs (wearing a monocle) and Homsar (wearing aviator goggles, a motorcycle helmet and a shirt that says "Dad’s #1 Dictator"). The Cheat sits on Bubs’ lap. The Poopsmith, wearing a cardboard sign that says "waitor", puts four glasses of water on the table and walks away.
STRONG SAD: Gentlemen, you know why we have gathered here in this place on this night.
KING OF TOWN: Indeed!
BUBS: Right-o!
HOMSAR: Jellied hamcakes!
STRONG SAD: For too long that dashing young masculine guy Dangeresque has foiled our evil plots. For too long we have been bested by that totally awesome example of… uh, look. I can’t do this. This dialogue is the most…
The frame "jumps". Same shot, but now Strong Sad has a black eye.
STRONG SAD: Like I was saying, Dangeresque is cool and he keeps stopping our plans.
KING OF TOWN: Yes, yes. We must do something about him. Bubs, colon. I say we smash him to… oops, that’s not my line.
BUBS: I say we smash him into tiny bits and then jump up and down on the tiny bits until they’re tinier bits!
THE CHEAT: Meh!
STRONG SAD: That was a very well thought out plan, but I have a better one. The evil plan to out- evil all evil plans!
KING OF TOWN: Well, what is it?
STRONG SAD: I say that we…
The camera pulls to a closeup. The bass violin’s string breaks.
STRONG SAD: Join… forces.
ALL (in perfect unison): Har har har!
KING OF TOWN: Then it’s decided!
As he speaks, the camera pans from him to Strong Sad to Homsar to Bubs.
KING OF TOWN: From this day forth, Perducci, Van Soreshank, El Kefftwerner, and Dr. Beard…
THE CHEAT: Meh!
KING OF TOWN: …and Jabez… will be known as…
A hand-written sign is held in front of the camera that reads "DANGERESQUE 3: THE CRIMINAL PROJECTIVE (IN 3-D!) [3-D vision subject to availability]".
KING OF TOWN: The Criminal Projective!
Strong Bad scats the Dangeresque Theme for a few seconds before cutting to Renaldo in his office. He is speaking to a disconnected telephone receiver.
COACH Z: Hello, Dangeresque? Where are you?
Cut to Strong Bad wearing sunglasses lying on a foam mat. He is lifting an artificial fireplace log with one hand. The Cheat imitates a ringing sound from off-screen. Strong Bad picks up a remote control and holds it to his ear.
STRONG BAD: What’s the fine words, Renaldo? You interrupted my high-impact lumberjack workout. That’s why I’m lifting a log.
COACH Z (off-screen, holding his nose): I just got a word of warning for ya. Da rumour mill says that the bad guys are getting together for something. Ya might be in danger.
STRONG BAD: Chill it up, Renaldo. Danger is my middle name and the first half of my first name. I’d like to see those bad guys try something.
He puts down the remote control and continues lifting the log.
STRONG BAD: Five billion and one… five billion and two… five billion and five…
Cut to the Criminal Projective hiding behind a bush. They are watching Dangeresque Too.
KING OF TOWN: There’s his partner. I say we get him out of the way first.
STRONG SAD: We must be careful. He is a thoroughly dangerous man.
BUBS: We have ways of dealing with dangerous men.
KING OF TOWN: Dangerous men call for dangerous measures.
STRONG SAD: I think we’re reading from the wrong script.
HOMSAR: Dya-a-a-ah! Boil up the Billy!
We cut to sunglasses-clad Homestar talking to Pom Pom. There is a strip of butcher paper on the ground with the word "road" on it.
HOMESTAR: Thank you vewy much, madam. If you ever need to be helped acwoss the stweet again, just ask Dangewesque Too!
POM POM: (bubbles)
Pom Pom walks away, looking peeved.
HOMESTAR: Man, we’d better edit that out. That was inappwopwiate.
KING OF TOWN: Let’s get rid of him now!
BUBS: Let’s hit him with a car!
There is a quick shot accidentally edited in of Strong Mad holding up the Gremlin. Cut to Homestar standing on the "road".
HOMESTAR: Now what could that sound be?
He turns around. Shot of the camera running towards the stationary grille of the car with Strong Bad making screeching noises. Homestar is suddenly replaced with Strong Sad, wearing a paper mask of Homestar’s face and a red shirt that says "star" on it. The car flies toward Strong Sad and hits him.
STRONG SAD: Ouch!
He is knocked off camera.
STRONG SAD: So that’s what bumper tastes like.
Extreme close up of Strong Bad’s face.
STRONG BAD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo……oh!
Strong Bad runs up to Homestar, who is lying on the ground in a pool of red.
STRONG BAD: Oh, no! Dangeresque Too! Speak to me, man! What happened?
HOMESTAR: They got me with the old car twick. I fell for it…
STRONG BAD: Who did this to you, man? Tell me!
HOMESTAR: I… think that this note… will explain evewything…
He weakly hands Strong Bad a note and lies still. Strong Bad opens the note. It reads "The Crimenal Projective killed me. Love, D2".
STRONG BAD: Those villains. They’ll pay for this!
HOMESTAR: Are we almost done? I’ve got ketchup in my ear.
Cut to an evening scene. A sign reads "Cematery For Dead People". The Poopsmith is digging a hole in the ground. When he is finished, he drops a cardboard box into it. Strong Bad places Homestar’s sunglasses on the box, and then the Poopsmith starts covering the box with dirt. Strong Bad stands looking stoic. Marzipan steps up to him.
STRONG BAD: No man should ever have to bury Dangeresque Too.
MARZIPAN: Don’t blame yourself, Dangeresque. You did everything humanly possible to help him.
STRONG BAD: Gimme some comfort, Cutesy-Buttons.
MARZIPAN: Oh, all right.
She hands him a jar of peanut butter labeled "Comfort".
STRONG BAD: Thanks. If anybody needs me, I’ll be out driving… alone.
Strong Bad sits in the stationary car and mimes driving. A song plays on the radio, which is actually Coach Z rapping off-screen.
COACH Z: Life just ain’t the same since you went away / I really thought you was here ta stay / Even though you’re gone we’re still a crew / Even though you’re kinda corpsey now…
Strong Bad makes a small ringing noise. He picks up a lady’s razor and puts it to his ear.
STRONG BAD: What’s up, Renaldo?
Cut to Coach Z in the office.
COACH Z: I just thought I’d tell ya that we’ve found out where da Criminal Projaerctive is holed up. Word is they’re in their secret base in Des Moines. [he pronounces it "Deez Mwunnies"] If ya don’t wanna take this case I understand.
Back to Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: No, Renaldo. I’ve got a score to settle. This time it’s personal… -esque. I’m taking the next international flight to Des Moines.
Cut to the Criminal Projective standing around in a meadow. A banner reads "Welkommen al Des Moines". One of the King’s sheep is also hanging around for some reason.
ALL (in unison): Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
KING OF TOWN: Are there six ha’s there?
BUBS (squinting): I see seven.
ALL (in unison): Ha.
STRONG SAD: Dangeresque will never defeat us now that we have joined forces against him!
KING OF TOWN: And he’ll never find our hidden top-secret clandestine base!
Cut to Strong Bad shoving Pom Pom against a painted-on brick wall. Pom Pom is wearing an eyepatch.
STRONG BAD: All right, scum muffins. Out with it! Where are your bosses hiding?
POM POM (pointing): (bubbles)
STRONG BAD: Over there, huh? Great. Normally I’d rough you up a bit more, but I see that you only have one eye. And if I go around beating up one-eyes, peoples will think ill of me. So hit the road, squinty, before I change my mind.
POM POM: (bubbles)
STRONG BAD: Who am I? Who am I? I… am…
A quick cut to him kicking down a "door" made of several planks tied together and propped up.
CRIMINAL PROJECTIVE: Dangeresque!
STRONG BAD: I see that you’ve learned my name. Well, now, you’ll learn my beating-up… of you! School starts now, punks!
KING OF TOWN: He can’t take all of us on at once!
STRONG BAD: You’re right, Perducci. Four on one isn’t a fair fight. So I invited my industrial-power- grip flamethrower to the party.
He pulls out a length of PVC piping with a lit candle in it.
BUBS: Kill him until he dies!
STRONG BAD: Eat flame, rat face!
He waves his "flamethrower" in Homsar’s general direction. There is a quick cut to a badly animated fire (drawn by The Cheat?), and then Homsar is replaced with a plate of spaghetti sauce.
STRONG BAD: I like my villains well-done. And dead.
KING OF TOWN: You may have defeated El Kefftwerner, but you’ll never defeat me!
STRONG BAD: I’m afraid that you’re wrong. So I’ll set you on fire.
He waves the flamethrower at the ground. Tissue paper flames are pushed up from below the screen to simulate the floor being on fire. The King steps back and falls into a not very well-camouflaged hole in the floor. The camera does not cut away fast enough to avoid showing the King getting stuck halfway down.
STRONG SAD: I told you he was dangerous!
STRONG BAD: No, I’m not. I’m… Dangeresque.
He grabs a nearby piece of wood and starts hitting Strong Sad over the head. In this shot, Strong Sad is wearing a paper mask with his own face on it.
STRONG SAD: Ouch! Ow! Concussion! Cerebral hemorrhage! Flashing lights!
BUBS: You’ll never catch me, Dangeresque! I’ll just jump on my… private yacht!
He grabs The Cheat and hops offscreen.
STRONG BAD: Bad call, Dr. Beard. Don’t you know that 90% of all boating accidents happen in water?
He waves the flamethrower at the camera. We then cut to an obviously plastic boat sinking in what is obviously a bathtub. We hear Strong Bad murmuring "help help I’m drowning aaaauuuggghh" in a small voice.
STRONG BAD: That one was for Dangeresque Too!
He reaches down and grabs Strong Sad by the scruff of the neck. He loses his grip and drops him by mistake, but gets him the second time.
STRONG SAD: Are you going to kill me, Dangeresque?
STRONG BAD: I’d love to, meatface. But instead I’ll settle for throwing you all the way to jail!
He mimes throwing Strong Sad. Strong Sad screams half-heartedly. We see an overhead shot of Strong Sad jumping over a map of the United States, and then a shot him running with his arms outstretched from the waist up, so it looks like he’s flying. Finally we see him crash into the side of Bubs’ Concession Stand. Next shot is of him in the stand, with fake bars on the window.
STRONG SAD: Crime does not pay.
One of the bars accidentally breaks off in his hand. We then see Dangeresque and Renaldo brooding in the office.
COACH Z: Well, Dangeresque, I tell ya. Ya did a great j…
Frame jump.
COACH Z: Nice work, Dangeresque. Looks like the world is safe now that you’ve beaten all of the bad guys.
STRONG BAD: Don’t count on it, Renaldo. Evil never sleeps. It just lies down with its eyes closed pretending to sleep. And someday, it’ll get back up again.
Cut to the silhouette of Perducci.
KING OF TOWN: Doo hoo hoo!
The Cheat’s paw holds up a sign reading "THE END?!".
Credits:
Dangeresque: Strong Bad
Dangeresque: Homestar Runner
Renaldo: Coach Z
Cutesy-Buttons:
Marzipan
Perducci: The King of Town
Van Soreshank [not Hot Tub]: Dinkus
Dr. Beard: Bubs
El
Kefftwerner: That Weird Guy
Jabez: The Cheat
My Brother the Car: Strong Mad
Madam/Eyelid the
Punk: Pom Pom
Erdburt: The Poopsmith
Over the credits, Strong Bad sings a moody, downbeat song. He kinda tries to sound like Metallica.
Rain falls down on the cold, cold street
A wandering man steps on his feet
I don’t know why
you had to die
Or even why you wanted to try
Why did you have to go and get killed?
Why did you do a thing like that?
Why did you have to
go and get killed?
That totally sucks…
Final shot: Dangeresque Too stands half-transparent over the planet Earth. Caption reads: Dangeresque will return. Dangeresque Too won’t because he died in this movie.